Funny Car Stories - Just for fun :)

I've posted this a few times around the Internet and to those that know it, yeah I know but it is such a great story!

I studied Computing Science at Curtin University, WA. That was my major. It was (in hindsight) not my preferred choice. I ended up taking a range of additional units including Creative Writing, Theatre Arts, Philosophy, Psychology and so forth. One of the major components in the Theatre Arts units was the participation on a full-length production, and this is where the story starts.

I was an extra in the pantomime production of Jack and the Bean Stalk some years back. You know, odd parts here and there, a cherub (a rather tall one), a dancing Bean, an evil attorney, you know,  the usual. The shows were always a big hit with the kids and they were more often than not sell-outs.

This one Saturday morning, I was heading into for a double afternoon. That is, one show around midday and another later that afternoon. First, I needed a few supplies from the city chemist which seems to be the best (if not the only) place to get decent theatre make-up and bits.

I was southbound on the northern freeway and just coming up to the city. Here the freeway splits. At that time, it split into two; left lead into the city centre and right onto a bridge that went over the city to merge with the southern freeway. I was going left. Interestingly enough, there seemed to be backed up traffic in the right two lanes and absolutely nothing (bar me) in the left two lanes. I was in the second lane, near to the slow traffic, doing about 90 (the limit at the time). I remember quite clearly looking into my rear-view mirror and saw a white sedan/waggon some distance behind me just coming over the rise. I looked forward just in time to see a purple 4wd Drive, a Pajero (which incidentally is Wanker in Spanish or so I understand) suddenly pull out in front of me. Right in front of me.

Had I been thinking clearly, I think I may run into the back of him and his steel allow bumper bar. As it was, I reacted by swerving left and slamming the brakes. Sadly too much. This only succeeded in sending me into a sideways slide having spun 90 degrees anti-clockwise. Luckily my direction was away from the 4wd. That didn’t change the fact that I was now heading toward the edge of the freeway. Better but still not good.

I was starting to engage my brain now and span the wheel back to the right, took my foot off the brakes, quickly rev’d the engine and then started pumping the brakes. Unfortunately, the instability of the first manoeuvre was not over come and I only succeeded in spinning the car around 180 degrees and was now drifting toward the ‘peak-hour’ traffic. I did notice however that I was now in front of the Pajero. I had overtaken him sideways!

It was all happening way to fast and I froze solid. The car then connected with another vehicle whose forward movement managed to spin my car back the other way nearly 270 degrees so that I was looking back up the freeway (at an angle) the way I had come, only to see the Pajero managed to come to a halt not 2 meters from the passenger side as my slide stopped.

I couldn’t feel anything. My arms and legs were numb. The next thing I knew, someone was dragging me out of the car and supporting me to the side of the road. I then recall watching this same person push my car off the freeway. There was also a motorcycle cop interviewing the Pajero driver and another man holding a note pad was standing next to the car I had hit.

Where the $*%& did the cop come from? Apparently, he had been a short distance behind the white waggon I had seen before and he had seen the entire thing. He had already called an ambo and was now interviewing a rather distraught man who seemed to be admitting complete fault for the whole thing.

My vision went a little wonky then and my memory fades as I then recall two ambo drivers checking me out, asking me questions, etc. Then a shadow fell upon me and a voice said “You OK Mate?” I don’t know why I remember that voice more than anything else, I just do. I think I said “Yeah.” I tried to look up but I was still quite numb. I saw enough to know that the cop was standing over me. My heart froze for a second.

He held out his hand and said “Just wanted to say well done mate. That was some of the best driving I have seen in a while. You saved your life.” He then informed me that the Pajero driver was accepting responsibility for the accident and was to pay damages to mine and the other guys car, even though his didn’t have a scratch. He then offered to call my parents. The first thing that cam to my mind was “The SHOW!!!” That became my prime concern. OMG!!! I’m going to be late!!!! Someone has gotta call the theatre!!!!!

The officer assured me that he would ask my parents to do just that and I was then placed on a stretcher and carted off to emergency just to be sure.

Stay Tuned for part two … It gets better.

Absit invidia (and DFT :nono:)

Jeff Watkins
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