Your thoughts please....
Wed, 15 Dec 1999, 08:55 amWalter Plinge3 posts in thread
Your thoughts please....
Wed, 15 Dec 1999, 08:55 amHi there. You dont know me. Im a director/writer in the UK looking for some advice and some critiques.
Ive written a short film - about 3 mins - and i wanna know two things:
1) What you think of it and
2) Any ideas on how i would get the rights to the song.
All will become clear. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Beware though - this is not your average story.
Cheers
Dan
*********
behind closed doors
by Dan Jeffries
Camera follows a man walking down a street. He is nothing special, nothing unusual - you would not look twice at him. His whole body is very tense. He is sweating. He is agitated. He is self-conscious. The street now becomes a busy high street, packed with shoppers, children and general urban commotion. This sets him on edge even more.
He stops and closes his eyes. He turns round on the spot, trying to find the shop that he wants. He is somewhat dazed, scared by this public carnage.
With conviction and self-belief he makes his way over to the store. It is an Our Price/HMV/Virgin. He is now even more nervous than ever, rubbing his hands through his hair, constantly looking around him for those that he might recognise, or more worryingly, those that might recognise him.
He makes his way over to the CD singles section, noticing that he is surrounded by teenagers, worshipping their idols. He mumbles something to himself, thinking that he shouldn't be here. He closes his eyes again and cracks his knuckles. He opens them slowly and looks down at one of the children. They are looking up at him with open eyes. He shakes his head, picks up the required CD and makes his way to the counter. He walks into the camera, thus creating a blackout.
There is silence for a five seconds. We then hear the opening of a CD drawer and a CD being placed in to it. Then we hear the PLAY button being pressed. 'Hit me Baby one More Time' by Brittany Spears comes up over the speakers. As the song progresses, the camera slowly pulls back from the darkness to reveal a leather-clad face belonging to a large lady on all fours with her ass raised in the air. She is dressed up in the garb that Brittany wears in the video: school uniform and pigtails. There is just enough room through the mask to enable her to speak. A quick cut shows us that the man we saw previously is standing behind her wearing a teachers outfit: mortar board and gown. He stands over her proudly, a position of authority, with a large paddle in one hand, resting it on the ground like it was a cane. As the song progresses, the woman starts to recite the lyrics, saying them to her man with so much emotion, so much true, heart-felt feeling. The camera should cut back and forth, getting closer to their faces as the lines reach more intensity.
Woman: Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
that somethin wasn't right here
Man: oh babe babe, i shouldn't have let you go
and now you're out of sight yeah
Woman: show me how you want it to be
tell me babe cuz I need to know now what we've got
This next section should be close up on the woman's face. This is her pouring her heart out.
Woman: My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
Together: when I'm not with you I lose my mind
Woman: give me a sign, hit me baby one more time
With that last line, just after 'time' and in sync with the music, the man raises the paddle and smacks it down on her ass, hard. End.
Copyright Dan Jeffries 1999
Ive written a short film - about 3 mins - and i wanna know two things:
1) What you think of it and
2) Any ideas on how i would get the rights to the song.
All will become clear. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Beware though - this is not your average story.
Cheers
Dan
*********
behind closed doors
by Dan Jeffries
Camera follows a man walking down a street. He is nothing special, nothing unusual - you would not look twice at him. His whole body is very tense. He is sweating. He is agitated. He is self-conscious. The street now becomes a busy high street, packed with shoppers, children and general urban commotion. This sets him on edge even more.
He stops and closes his eyes. He turns round on the spot, trying to find the shop that he wants. He is somewhat dazed, scared by this public carnage.
With conviction and self-belief he makes his way over to the store. It is an Our Price/HMV/Virgin. He is now even more nervous than ever, rubbing his hands through his hair, constantly looking around him for those that he might recognise, or more worryingly, those that might recognise him.
He makes his way over to the CD singles section, noticing that he is surrounded by teenagers, worshipping their idols. He mumbles something to himself, thinking that he shouldn't be here. He closes his eyes again and cracks his knuckles. He opens them slowly and looks down at one of the children. They are looking up at him with open eyes. He shakes his head, picks up the required CD and makes his way to the counter. He walks into the camera, thus creating a blackout.
There is silence for a five seconds. We then hear the opening of a CD drawer and a CD being placed in to it. Then we hear the PLAY button being pressed. 'Hit me Baby one More Time' by Brittany Spears comes up over the speakers. As the song progresses, the camera slowly pulls back from the darkness to reveal a leather-clad face belonging to a large lady on all fours with her ass raised in the air. She is dressed up in the garb that Brittany wears in the video: school uniform and pigtails. There is just enough room through the mask to enable her to speak. A quick cut shows us that the man we saw previously is standing behind her wearing a teachers outfit: mortar board and gown. He stands over her proudly, a position of authority, with a large paddle in one hand, resting it on the ground like it was a cane. As the song progresses, the woman starts to recite the lyrics, saying them to her man with so much emotion, so much true, heart-felt feeling. The camera should cut back and forth, getting closer to their faces as the lines reach more intensity.
Woman: Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
that somethin wasn't right here
Man: oh babe babe, i shouldn't have let you go
and now you're out of sight yeah
Woman: show me how you want it to be
tell me babe cuz I need to know now what we've got
This next section should be close up on the woman's face. This is her pouring her heart out.
Woman: My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
Together: when I'm not with you I lose my mind
Woman: give me a sign, hit me baby one more time
With that last line, just after 'time' and in sync with the music, the man raises the paddle and smacks it down on her ass, hard. End.
Copyright Dan Jeffries 1999